It’s not Wednesday!

Which means, it’s time for a slightly secret (but not really) update!

Remember on Monday when I said I’d go into detail about my weekend where I forgot everything existed? Here’s the skinny on what happened:

Friday we’re leaving to go to a wedding, so I head over to the parents house on Thursday night to stay over. Apparently the garage door had broken. Both of their cars were trapped in the garage, while mine was free. Friday morning, Mama takes dad to work and the garage door repairman comes out to free our cars.
Estimated cost of a new garage door: $1.5k (there was no fixing this, it would have cost the same anyways)

Awesome. Just the way I wanted my weekend to start.

We pack up mom’s van with our shit, collect dad from work, and off we go. 45 mins away from our destination, the car over heats. Flash back to the end of August when the parents were coming home from Myrtle Beach, the car’s heat temp would rise super quick then fall slightly, then rise again (cycle repeats). They took the car in to a local Honda dealership in Augusta, but they could find anything wrong with it despite having the car for 3 hours.

God damn it.

Flash back to now. We call a tow company, and they tow us to a dealership 20 mins away; they promise to run some diagnostics and get back to us tomorrow sometime. We manage to grab ourselves a rental car thanks to the Enterprise car rentals next door and continue on our way. Two hours later, but whatever.

Saturday, the fateful call comes in: the coolant system inside the car is dead. The guy said it was akin to the arteries leading to the heart getting clogged with plaque, and thus we managed to give our car a heart attack. To top it all off, the radiator had a hole in it, and so it was time for a new radiator.
Total repair cost:$ 3.7-4k
Worth of the car: $4-5k (in good condition, mind you)

I break the bad news to mom and tell her to just take whatever money they’re willing to give her and run. Mama uses the whole weekend to think it over and come Sunday, we drive back down to Atlanta with the rental car. She decides (after much agonizing and trying to reason with her) to just sell the car to the dealership.

So now the parents have a sweet ass garage door, are down by one car, and then killed their microwave due to old age.

Things just keep getting better and better around here! Luckily, I moved out so hopefully I can be spared their bad luck.

….but just in case

Hamsa/Hand of Fatima/Hand of Miriam

Hand of Fatima/Hamsa to keep me safe.

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Some questions

You know that question people always ask? I usually get, “Why are you in my garden wearing a viking outfit and passing out peanuts?” to which I usually reply, “FOR THE GLORY OF ODIN, FIGHT ME FOR VALHALLA!” then the darts hit and I pass out.

What were we talking about again? Continue reading

Call out

I mentioned this on Twitter, but I thought I would do a whole post devoted to it.

Towards the end of August/beginning of September, I’m gonna be gone for about two weeks. Rather than leaving up a whole bunch of blank space for two weeks,  I figured I would ask you lovely readers for guest posts. I really don’t care about topics, so long as they pertain to writing in some way.

I’ll accept:

  • Essays (short or multiple parts)
  • Short stories
  • Sprints
  • Just about anything

Cut off date for submissions will be Friday, August 26 at Midnight EST (-5 GMT). Leave me a comment that you’re interested, and I’ll hit you up with info on how to get your stuff to me.

Art imitates life

Sorry about the radio silence for most of last week. I lost internet around Tuesday night, and didn’t get it back until Thursday night. It was a “network outage” in my area, which is probably code for, “We don’t like you, so no internet for you. LOLZ”

This week, I actually have 4 days of work, so we’ll see about doing an in between update on Tues/Thurs. Also, running low on Sprints (again), so there may or may not be one on Friday.

I’m so desperate to hear back from my last grad school and not be stuck in this rut of  “What do I do now?” and not apply for jobs.

Le sigh. Such is life. Que sera sera, etc. On to the sprint!

Continue reading

Saturday Night Surprises

So, guess what happened?

My laptop of five years died! SCORE!

We were having some awful storms around here, but that’s not what killed it. What killed it was the motherboard finally dying.

Poor thing. Thankfully, I have a back up computer. In the form of an iMac desktop. Writing sprints might be a tad slow/non existent until I get my tax refund in.

Ugh. I’ma miss that little bastard. He was five years old. Ah well, at least I can get some money out of him through best buy.

I’m torn between several things:

  • Go back to PC, or stay with Mac?
  • If I stay with PC, Netbook or full size?
  • If I switch to Mac, is there a place that I can get a Mac for cheap and still purchase an apple care plan?

Comments are always helpful and much needed in this case.

Buying a corset

Is serious business.

No really, it is. Especially if you’re like me. Which, if that’s the case, then why are you thinking about releasing raccoons hyped up on Kool Aide through Congress?

…Moving along. Shopping for corsets, like jeans shopping, can be a pain in the ass. Every retailer has their own selection of providers, and each provider has their own measuring chart of who is what size.

Using myself as an example, I wear a size 14 jeans. What Gloria Vanderbuilt considers to be a size 14 means nothing to Levis (Which I’m a size 18 [probably] according to them [I hope not]). The point of shopping around is to find what company makes jeans that make you feel comfortable, don’t ride up your butt, and actually has pockets large enough to fit my cellphone.

Corset shopping entails sort of the same details, just in a different part of the body. And slightly different dimensions. It’s the same concept.

You have to take into account your bust, waist, hips, and overall torso length. As I have discovered, I was not build by an artisan, but by a committee. My bust is one size, my hips a completely different size, and my waist yet another. All these different sizes are awesome and annoying at the same time. Awesome, because I’m not a skinny little twig; annoying, because… well, we’ll devote another paragraph to that.

My biggest issue comes with my waist, which is what is key in corset shopping. My waist is an odd size, literally. It ends in an odd number, which means I have to either round up or down, and I can be terribly indecisive. Going up by an inch makes me feel bad about myself, and the skinny mean high school girl hiding inside of me, screaming things that make me feel even more self conscious. On the other hand, if I go down a size, the honest woman inside of me puts me on a guilt trip. “That won’t fit and you know it,” she’ll chide me.

Deciding that my waist was a poor choice to start with, I decide to look it up by bust size. Problem: my bust also an odd size. Then I discovered that corsets only work in even sizes, like most other things in woman’s clothing.

WAT.

My mind=blown.

“Well, shit.” I thought. “How the hell am I supposed to figure out what size corset I should get if my body was so ODDLY proportioned?” I began to get disgusted, then I thought of a brilliant idea. I’ll ask someone who knows what they’re doing!

TO THE INTERNET!

I got like fifteen different answers.

Head, meet desk. You’ll become great friends once the pain wears off. And you recover from that concussion.

The Lingerie Diva (we’ll call this one NSFW to be safe) folks (possibly ladies) said for a waist 26 inches and up, take off 4 inches from what you were measured as, and subtract one if it was odd number.

MATH! We meet again… but that’s cool, cause I can totally handle this.

Borrowing my mom, she took all my measurements again to be on the safe side. (side note, its always a good idea to have a second person on hand when taking measurements of your body.) Using the guidelines from Lingerie Diva(s), this is how it turned out:

37-4=33(-1)=32.

Then doubt set in.”Maybe we should look around at other sites and see what they say.” The responsible person in my head said. I decided that was a reasonable request, so off we went again and wound up on eHow. To quote directly from the article:

Step 6: “If your waist measurement is 34 inches or less, deduct 4 inches from the measurement. If it is 36 inches or more, deduct 6 inches. If your waist measurement is an odd number, round down to the next even number.”

Using this info, it turned out like this:

37-6=31(-1)=30

WAT. That couldn’t be right. How am I two different sizes?

Step 7: “Locate a size chart at your intended place of purchase. Compare the options of sizes with your own measurements for the most accurate fit.”

Okay, better.

BUT WAIT!

What if I was online shopping because I was too embarrassed to go to a physical store? Then I threw myself in a tizzy, and quickly logged off the internet to go eat a cupcake.

“Suzy,” I can hear you say, “what the hell does this have to do with writing?”

“Elementary, my dear Watson,” I would respond back. “Tune in Thursday to find out the exciting conclusion!”

I went on the internet

…and I found this. After reading it, I then asked myself a question: How many books do you have to sell to be a best seller? (part two is posted here)

Is getting the coveted “bestseller” status on the New York Times book list overrated? If you have a 26 year old author selling e-books and making a killing, is it even worth going through the normal channels to be a publish author? Continue reading